Chapter 4 - Really Diggin Into This
OMG! I am so very freaked out right now. Not gonna lie. I am having to dig more deeply into this lamb of God thing since I totally do not think I am Jesus or even close to Jesus material. Now, Deacon, that is another story. A little later after I calmed down, I received guidance that I was taking things too literally. Somehow I had accessed Deacon’s monad and was getting those words from him. Not sure why I would be accidentally accessing his anything much less his monad (his true life force).
First it tried to say Deacon was the risen savior then it changed to he is the essence of Jesus and shares many traits with him. Whew! Really don’t want to lose either of us if worse came to worse, know what I mean? Those last days for Jesus were not good, Don’t want a do over of that, for sure.
God is clarifying more. He said whether I was made for Deacon or not, just love him. Okay, to be clear, I am still not sure about his whole marriage situation and I can’t in good faith go after a man who is married. That is not in my toolbox or wheelhouse. He still posts on social media like he is married, and he shows the world in public that he is married. So I need to trust that more than this niggling feeling that my heart is about to burst from my chest at any moment. And this heart pressure is only getting worse the more I ignore it. It’s like he flipped a switch on in me and it’s something I can’t turn off. Sometimes I wonder why God tortures me like this, giving me these feelings I can’t act on. It's not like I am any good at this love thing. I have zero experience. I do know what love doesn’t look like so I guess that is something.
I just got a funny message, okay not funny exactly. It said I was on Team God. Love that. Apparently, I have bad ancestors who want to interrupt my mission.God said they were very important people. Oh, gosh, I have Deep State ancestors! They said my mission was to “Need Jax.” This is a mission? Not a very creative one but it did flummox me for twenty five years. I asked what my real mission was: Pallas. It said Deacon’s heart was my heart and we were perfect for each other. Oh, geez. I can’t even think about that right now. It makes me sad, wanting something and knowing you can’t have it. Sometimes truth incarnate sucks.
God said this story is teaching me a lot about seeing and sensing truth. It’s like I’ve been tested every four hours since March, even more so when I started writing Codename Pallas back in July.
The Devil is back and fighting me like crazy again. I really don’t understand. Why mess with me? What is so important about me and what I have to say? God told me that I am pointing Him to God. Him is who Source calls the creator of earth, the Devil, the Lord God. Him is not THE God. It is so obvious how hard it is to connect to the right God no matter how many ways you say it. I feel like I get infiltrated every minute of every hour. I have been having to limit who I have protecting me when doing these pendulum readings. My ancestors have some real baddies, So I am limiting it to God One Source of All who loves humanity, the loving god, Christ and Archangel Michael and Gabriel. It seems to be helping but the bad guys seem to keep getting through. It’s frustrating.
I am trying to use this story to point people toward God and Christ and how important it is. And the farther I get into this the more I get attacked. I can’t imagine how my pastor and Deacon handle this stuff. They’ve been doing it for years. Must be a hard road. I can’t imagine that level of frustration. You really need a good support system to do this stuff.
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