I didn't actually start out to do that. It wasn't my plan, but it was God's. He says I am excellent in the faith department and wanted me to show you how to do the same. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those journey pieces. And you will have to hang on and wait until I finally find the point God wants me to make.
Writing a story like this is what God calls 'showing obedience to God.' I just follow the promptings and insights I get and let the story unfold in its own. It's actually a kind of amazing process to experience.
These journey pieces can really torture me emotionally. So you will have to forgive a tear stained page here and there. Ever since Deacon broke open my heart, the waterworks come at a moment's notice.
I kind of want to start where I ended Node to Northman. I am still reeling from that one and am not sure Deacon has fully recovered either. Saying someone is the son of the Devil sort of puts a stain on a guy's heart. (He is the best example of humanity I know, so I wanted to make a big impact when his character worked for the darkside) It's something I know I will have to make up for sooner or later. God told me to be kind, so I will do my best.
I sort of went through a mini dark night of the soul this weekend. The story is over but I am still getting stuff, fantastical stuff. Stuff that really makes me question my sanity. That's what happens when you pair some real things with some fictional things in your writing. The line where these two things meet wavers and I get confused where exactly real ends and fictional begins.
The Devil is doing his best to pull the wool over my eyes. The illusions are everywhere. And thus I struggle with the insights I get. I waved between putting the pendulum board up and keeping it out. I am starting to wonder if some of these things I thought were just a part of the story are actually real. It even makes me question whether the connection I made with Deacon is made up in my own head or real.
One of the things I pulled out of the cards this weekend was that Deacon, I hope you realize I am still calling him that so you know who I am referring to, was stealing my story ideas. It took a few different card readings to realize what he was doing, but I will let that scenario play out in its own. I am sure he doesn't want me messing up his epiphany.
I've been getting that word a lot this week, epiphany. It's where you get that sudden ah ha, where the light bulb goes off in your head, and you rush to find a notebook before the bright idea escapes you like smoke.
I am not sure if I mentioned this in the story but sometimes I get things mixed up. Some characters are really different characters and some motivations are different than I realized. Jax wanted me to tell you how he is not my person any more.
You see, Jax had a Destiny he had to step into and he made a choice to walk away. That was when I made my choice too. I chose to let God bring me what he wanted in my life. I have already been waiting twenty-five years for love. What's a little longer? My heart has only been open for a few weeks now. But I have a wish in my heart for the person I want to come in.
The pendulum board was kind of torturing me with it. Both Kim and Stu were fighting through the board and I watched as if it was a fascinating tennis match. My question is, if the story is over, why are these two still showing up talking?
There is a lot more going on here than it seems. Stu kept telling me Deacon and the Guardians wanted to talk to me, to prepare me for something. And they would take me to supper and have Deacon explain things to me.
How are there still plans? Wasn't that a part of the story? I have a feeling I am more involved in the movie than I realized.
Another thing I get from the cards is that Deacon is Archangel Michael. I think I mentioned that in the story and I was his first Faith Incarnate. All these titles just throw me for a loop sometimes. Because of this, we have this weird real life energetic connection. And my heart chakra has been pulsing like mad since the story completed. I think my heart is working on his heart. I am healing him from the inside out, but God also wants me to heal his faith muscle. It's been a little bruised as of late. There is so much to love about him, but when you are in the storm, it is hard to see the light. I am going to try and be that light for him, if he will allow me.
During the emotional death match between Deacon and Jax, my heart chose Deacon. I know I will always love Jax. And I don't have any hard feelings about what happened in the past between us, but I know it's time to move on. I have a new mission from God. And that mission is to love and support Deacon and help build him back up.
He is going to explain to you all what happened with him. I just have a feeling about this. But just know I am going to be there for him no matter what. And if you know him, I hope you will be there too.
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